Yesterday, Natasha received her SRS packet. It's official... assuming we can get all of the money together... she will become a full female in about three months.
I feel mixed about this because she feels mixed about it. On the one hand, having SRS will finally make her body and mind synchronize. On the other hand, she never wanted to be a female.
It is a time such as this when people who think that being Transsexual is "just a phase" or "some kind of sexual turn-on," or some other nonsensical uninformed claim about it. It is a time such as this when spouses should be able to see clearly the pain that this medical condition causes the recipient, if that is ever in question. To think that one could be "cured" by electrodes and hypnotherapy and whatever other wacko things they do at those re-orientation camps just has his or her head up their (mainly religiously fanatic) butts!
Imagine, my non-TS readers, a day when you wake up and you realize that the body you've had all your life really belongs to someone else and you have to give it up. Well, you don't HAVE to, but if you don't, your consciousness will have to take a back seat to the real owner. none of your friends or family will know it's happened. You will be able to hear yourself scream, hear yourself want to reach out to someone to tell him or her that you're still there, but you won't be able to. Rather than give up the body you know and love, you choose to live the rest of your life in the quiet backstage, as much as it kills you to do so (and you couldn't actually kill yourself if you wanted to because you had no control over your body and you couldn't just leave once you committed to staying) But then, one day, a doctor comes to see you... YOU! He looks into the eyes of your former body and says, "I can get you out and put you into a new body. Nobody else is in it and it's a lot like your own, but different. Your friends and family will know it's you. What do you say?
This isn't the same as what a TS goes through, but asking a non-TS to imagine what it might be like to realize that you feel like your own body is the wrong one is near impossible. The resulting mixed feelings, I think, are similar, though, in my scenario. To stay and suffer in silence or to move and learn a new happiness. What a horrible decision to have to make!
I wish so much that I had some kind of magic that would alter Tasha's mind to one that is happy being male. That would solve so many problems for all of us (except the remaining boobs. We'd have to deal with those). But I can't and so her only cure is SRS. I am happy for her that it is coming soon, but I feel her pain that she is finally saying good-bye to that part of her that made children with me, that asked me to marry him, that is Daddy, Husband, Father. She doesn't mind when she is called these things. I can see why.
For her, I hope these next few months go quickly and that we make this thing happen. We all need to move on to the next phase.