Saturday, February 12, 2011

I Can See Clearly Now, the Rain is Gone!

This weekend, in this beautiful yet overpriced snowy paradise called Snowmass, CO (it's near Aspen but not IN Aspen. Oooo!), Natasha toiled and troubled over telling her father and step-mother about herself. All day today... well, let's just say she was a mess. All that wonderful hot chocolate and fun rides up and down the ski slope in Skittle colored gondolas were wasted on her completely, try as she might to not have it so.

She was absolutely convinced that there was NO WAY her dad and step-mom would accept what she had to say. She said that, no matter what they SAID, they would FEEL disappointed in her. I asked her (knowing things as I do) if there was ANY chance that she could be wrong. Her answer was a resounding "no."


At long last, as the kids danced and flung themselves on a nearby sofa, she told them her story and... they accepted her without reservation.

I'm not going to write much more about this because y'all can get all the details from Natasha's blog. But I just wanted to say that I am truly sorry that so many of you folks do not have such understanding and accepting people in your lives. I can only wish that each of you have at least one person who loves you unconditionally. I am actually proud of Natasha's father, especially, for not only accepting her but also for saying aloud that he loves her no matter what. I've NEVER heard him say that he loved his son except for those "love you" conversation-ending toss-outs.

for all that has happened since I have known them - and there has been a LOT - they just earned back a bunch of points in my book. On one hand, I was not surprised at their reaction. I did have a feeling that they would be accepting. On the other, with these people, you just never know when you tally all of the other lame reactions they've had about Natasha's life choices. I'm glad they didn't prove me wrong.

...Now, let's see if they'll pay for the surgery! :-D


Ariel said...

Good on them. Good on all of you! Now I hope you can all relax. :)

I am fortunate enough to have someone who loves me unconditionally. Maybe even more than one person.

Onward, children! (I get to say that because I'm old. :) )

Becca said...

Its a conversation I have been having with my wife about whether to tell or not to tell. There is not quite the imperative for me at the moment though as I have no current intention to transition.

Still I just want to be honest within them so they can understand the reasons for the changes they are seeing. Stories like this give me a huge lift that not everything can go badly.

Dani said...

Hi, Casey! You're right, unfortunately. There are so many of us that are totally disowned by our families after the revelation and have to go the long road alone without support, or at least understanding, from our families. It's no wonder that the statistics for substance abuse and suicide are so astronomical! I consider myself lucky that while my family is hardly jumping for joy, they at least accept who I am. You, and Tasha's whole family, have been truly exceptional throughout this very difficult time for her, and for all of you, and it speaks volumns for the bonds of love in your family. She is truly fortunate to have all of you.

Dani xxx

Kathryn Martin said...

The news is fantastic. I read it last night and relived the angst Natasha felt through her words, and was moved what she had received as a reaction.

I feel that there is such richness in your and her life, and even though I am very aware of all the struggles and the massive work that you and her do every day to make this work, fortunate and blessed does not even begin to describe it.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that they will, by the way:-)

Caroline said...

So happy it all went well, those of us who have supporting friends and family at this difficult time truly are the lucky ones.

Praise is due to those around us who did not need this extra pressure on their lives and the possibility that others less open may see them in a poor way for being supportive.

Caroline xxx

Casey said...

@ Becca - I think that even if Natasha did not intende to transition entirely but still showed signs of change, she would have told them eventually because of the immense pressure of keeping the secret. I know that many counselors say not to tell until/unless it is necessary, so I think that if a person's life is being disrupted greatly by the stress of keeping the secret, then I would consider that a "necessary" situation.

The best of luck to you!!! :-)

Teagan said...

Part of the reason, well, a huge part of the reason that you and Tasha have such accepting, loving people in your lives, is because of who you and she are.

Love begets love.

Pay for the surgery? Don't push it, sister. ;)

Becca said...

Thanks for your thoughts. I think they deserve an explanation - I just wonder whether they would prefer not to know. For my part I would love to tell them but that's said with the thought that the message would be as well received as Natasha's was.

Your kind wishes are appreciated

Ariel said...

No one asked me, but that never stopped me before. :)

@Becca (and @Casey et al.)

If someone is transitioning, then coming out is a no-brainer. If someone is making serious changes in their life, then providing an explanation makes sense.

However, if someone just has feelings that they basically keep to themselves, I would hesitate to inform others. In that case, the unburdening of the teller can become a burden to others. If the teller continues to present as their birth sex, then it's knowledge others won't know what to do with.

I came out to very few people before I decided to transition, and for the most part it confused them. Once I did start to transition, it made sense to everyone I told, whether they accepted it or not.