I had been meaning to write about one particular subject that has been bugging me lately, but with the coming of the new family members and the continuing stuff of my everyday, I lost the time until now (of course, the baby could wake up at any moment and her mommy is not here right now). What prompted me to go ahead and at least start this post was Natasha's latest comment about the "old fashioned" remarks about TS flight attendants.
I read a lot of blogs and articles about what it's like to be TS, the politics of being TS, the process of transitioning, etcetera, and I came to the conclusion long ago that life is pretty freaking hard being TS. Whether or not one's immediate friends and family accept this change rather than shunning her/him; whether or not the TS knew right away rather than keeping it a secret; whether or not the total transition took months instead of decades, being TS is quite possibly one of the worst ways to live until it's all done.
I am 100% on the side of all GID folk when it comes to equality in all facets of life. I hate the insensitivity the world has for "difference," and I simply can not comprehend how cruel people can be to one another and to all life. Whereas Natasha wrote about those I fondly refer to as "the others," I wanted to write about those within the GID community who seem to have some kind of superiority complex like "the others."
I have read repeatedly, and Natasha has been hurt repeatedly, by so many TS folk who chastise those who can't or don't transition immediately. It's as if these people have somehow either forgotten what it was like to have to live in the wrong body or had the blessed opportunity to transition without delay or reproach from their loved ones and so have no sympathy.
The worst thing about what's gong on with Natasha right now is that she is fighting so hard to find a middle ground to get her through the years (unless somebody wins the lottery) before she can fully transition. The fact of her limbo, and consequently my limbo, is not of her own choosing. It is an absolute necessity. She's lucky in that she can come home or go shopping as Natasha without worry; for so long she lived like a lot of TS folk who tried to live in both worlds happily for the sake of their loved ones. Natasha doesn't have to do that anymore, but she does have to do it so that she can keep her job. Believe it or not, there are places in the world, like Arizona, where you can indeed be fired if a parent finds out and is "uncomfortable" about it, regardless of whether or not a person is presenting.
A person with GID who is diagnosed as being TS can, in fact, CHOOSE not to transition. Unlike a TG person, that choice becomes immensely painful sooner or later. Yet, some fight it and continue in their "natural" bodies... all for the sake of keeping their marriage, children, job secure and happy. At some point, it might become unbearable and all too often, that person chooses to end his or her life. Without blaming anyone here - since everyone's situations are different - what we can say for certain is that the person's choice not to transition does not make him or her any less a "true" Transsexual. Anyone who dares to make that claim is simply not a "true" human being in the spiritual sense of the term.
The definition of Transsexual does not include the fact of transitioning. It does say that the person has a strong desire to transition into the matching body. What one does with that desire does not diminish the truth of the situation in any way, and to say that it does just shows that even within a small community such as this, there are people who are as heartless, selfish and judgmental as anywhere else. The truth is that not everyone is as lucky as those who get what they need right away. The truth is that not everyone has health insurance that will cover the procedure or the cash lying around to pay out of pocket. Perhaps those that do have that kind of money should start a foundation for those who do not so that people like my... esposa (I'll write about that later)... can complete the transition without delay (well, as soon as she doesn't have to be a public school teacher to help pay the bills anymore).
Instead of fracturing the community with useless superiority complexes over who has transitioned and who has not or can't, this community in particular needs to unite so that everyone here can get what they need. Truthfully, I don't have much faith in humanity; I have seen a lot throughout my life to support my view. But come on! We're talking about a small but growing group of people in serious need of help that it is not getting. I have seen humanitarian acts, mainly in times of crisis. All of you who have not yet fully transitioned are in a CONSTANT state of crisis. Those who have made it to the other side should be holding your hands out to help pull through those who are still suffering.
In-fighting solves nothing. All it does is make those stuck in purgatory feel that much more alone and hurt.
You are doing it to Natasha, which means you're dong it to me. I don't take kindly to those who hurt my family.