Natasha got home a week ago Friday and she is slowly recovering. Life in our home is, also slowly, getting back to normal. Normal? I've been asked about that a few times. How can life get back to "normal"? You were married to a man and now you're married to a woman. How is that "normal" for you?
1. We're celebrating Father's Day today. True, the kids got their father a pair of earrings, but otherwise, we're going to my folks' house for hamburgers and hot dogs later, just like we've done every year. My spouse gets to eat a bunch of crap food today, just like every year. It's still Father's Day.
2. My spouse still snores and gets grumpy with lack of sleep.
3. My spouse still spends a lot of time on the computer in the designated "Sunny's spot" on the sofa, only it was called "Daddy's spot."
4. My spouse still complains about her weight, just like she did when she was a he.
5. My spouse still likes my cooking.
6, My spouse still thinks I'm the best writer ever (besides her, of course!).
7. We're going to celebrate our tenth anniversary at the place where we had our ceremony, and hopefully both our Bride's Maid and Best Man will be able to make it. Only this time we'll also have our two kids!
8. My dad still pushes my spouse's buttons.
9. Our kids are still two of the most well-adjusted kids on the planet (and we're not the only ones who think so).
10. Every night, our collie still gets on our bed and goes to my spouse for scratchies before we go to sleep.
I could go on, but you get the point.
Now, I know there are some of you out there who are saying, "That's all well and good, but what about sex?"
What about it? We're not doing that right now due to the recovering vagina issue. We haven't done that for a couple of years because of stress and, oh, I don't know... GD!
"Okay, but what about when everything's healed and stuff?"
Lemme put it to you this way...
11. We already had toys. :-D
Maybe I'm being optimistic. However, there's always number 12, which is:
12. I married my soul mate, whom I fell in love with before we had sex and will love forever if we never have it again.
So, Happy Father's Day to all you readers who have kids and were once sperm donors and are now proud parents. Whether or not you have a partner who can or will say it to you, may this Father's Day be as happy as the others simply because you are still who you were. :-)
4 comments:
I've recently found your blog, and want to thank you for sharing your experiences. There aren't enough stories of support from the friends, family, and Spouses of trans* people, so every voice is encouraging to hear.
Hello Marni! It's 4:00 AM over here and I can't sleep. I was browsing random sites on the internet and found your blog. Read through a couple posts and I must say, I bookmarked it almost immidiately!
I wanna share my story with you. It's not about my husband, but about my sister.
I haven't known my sister forever, but it feels like a lifetime. Even though people could say we're not 'real' sisters, I know that we are. You see, we were friends in the beginning. We would spend hours just chatting about life, music and all the little things. I've developed very strong emotions towards her and loved her truly as my own real sister. I did feel like there was something.. off about her though. As if she was keeping a secret.
So I condfronted her one day and that's when I found out, that she was born a man. As a matter of fact she's going through her transition as we speak.
I know she was afraid how I'd take it, I even think she was worried she'd lose me. I must say, though, even if this would be shocking news to some, I wasn't surprised at all. First of all, I felt it. Don't ask me why or how, I just did. Absolutely NOTHING changed between us since I've found out, only that we've grown much closer.
She knows I love her to bits and I'm always excited when she's going to her doc appointments, can't wait til she comes home and tells me all about it, I love that I can be a part of her life and walk with her through her transition. She's a beautiful strong woman in my eyes. I must say I'm very proud, because I know she was a bit shy about it in the beginning (as she's only 8 months into the transition) but I believe I'm helping her take huge steps, she's telling more people about it and they accept her and I'm always by her side and I'm not planning on going anywhere :-)
I consider myself blessed, having her in my life and - even though she's my big sis - I think she is my soulmate, if that makes any sense.
Then I have to say I must be double-blessed, as I have another soulmate and that would be my hubby. My sis named us 'the three amigos' haha! We consider ourselves to be three weirdos. Every single one of us has something that the society considers "weird" or "not normal".
Years into our relationship with my hubby I've also realized I'm a lesbian. Probably. To be completely honest, I'm still confused about it. But anyway, I still love him more than anything else in this world, we have a beautiful daughter together and yes, he is my soulmate aswell. Even though I feel like a lesbian, I'm still attracted to him (having spent most of my life believing I was bi) and even if people want to lable it or tell me that there's no way a lesbian can be sexually attracted to a man, I don't care. It works with us and I couldn't be happier.
I apologize for the long post but I felt like sharing to be honest :-) I'll keep on checking your blog for new posts and I'm sooo happy to see that there are people out there who are so open-minded, don't judge and just love and care for each other. You've trully put a big smile on my face and I feel all warm inside. I think that when I lie down now I will be able to sleep like a baby.
Bless you and bless Natasha. You two are a wonderful couple and even though I don't know you, I'm proud of you that you are the way you are. It feels great to see that there are good-hearted people out there. You two have a heart of gold.
Wish you all the best :-)
I hope Natashas recovery continues to go well and you both find contentment and happiness in the future
Becca
Funny that I should happen upon your blog here. I knew Natasha briefly in another time and place online... I'm glad to hear she is recovering well. I find that this is the hardest struggle of my life, and knowing there are others like me, going through the same sort of ordeal, finding ways to make it work, really really helps. Thank you for sharing.
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